Fakti q\u00eb dashuria \u00ebsht\u00eb e \u201cverb\u00ebr\u201d, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e keqe n\u00eb vetvete. Dashuria bazohet shpesh tek idealizimi. N\u00eb fazat e hershme t\u00eb r\u00ebnies n\u00eb dashuri, ju e vendosni partnerin tuaj n\u00eb nj\u00eb piedestal, dhe imagjinoni se ai \u00ebsht\u00eb personi m\u00eb i p\u00ebrsosur n\u00eb bot\u00eb, t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn p\u00ebr ju.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Edhe pas faz\u00ebs s\u00eb muajit t\u00eb mjaltit t\u00eb nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnieje, ne duam t\u00eb mendojm\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb mir\u00ebn p\u00ebr partner\u00ebt tan\u00eb. Ne i duam ata pavar\u00ebsisht pap\u00ebrsosm\u00ebrive t\u00eb tyre, pasi besojm\u00eb se cil\u00ebsit\u00eb e tyre t\u00eb mira, jan\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdha sesa cil\u00ebsit\u00eb e tyre t\u00eb k\u00ebqija. Dhe ndoshta me kalimin e koh\u00ebs, cil\u00ebsit\u00eb e k\u00ebqija t\u00eb partner\u00ebve tan\u00eb do t\u00eb ndreqen ose do t\u00eb zbehen, nd\u00ebrsa partner\u00ebt tan\u00eb m\u00ebsojn\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb p\u00ebrmbushin potencialin e tyre t\u00eb plot\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pranimi i pap\u00ebrsosm\u00ebrive t\u00eb partner\u00ebve tan\u00eb, i huqeve dhe veseve t\u00eb tyre, duket se \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb p\u00ebrb\u00ebr\u00ebs thelb\u00ebsor i marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnieve t\u00eb suksesshme afatgjata. Nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie nuk do t\u00eb funksiononte aspak n\u00eb rast se partneri trajtohet si nj\u00eb njeri q\u00eb nuk do t\u00eb jet\u00eb kurr\u00eb mjaftuesh\u00ebm i mir\u00eb, pavar\u00ebsisht se \u00e7far\u00eb b\u00ebn p\u00ebr t\u2019ju b\u00ebr\u00eb t\u00eb lumtur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At\u00ebher\u00eb shtrohet pyetja se \u00e7far\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb mjaftuesh\u00ebm e mir\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie afatgjat\u00eb. A ka disa pap\u00ebrsosm\u00ebri, q\u00eb nuk duhet t\u2019i pranoni n\u00eb nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie afatgjat\u00eb, t\u00eb cilat duhet t\u00eb rregullohen sipas d\u00ebshir\u00ebs tuaj, apo duhet t\u00eb largoheni nga ai raport n\u00eb vend se t\u00eb p\u00ebrpiqeni t\u2019i zgjidhni problemet?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nevojat, lukset dhe gj\u00ebrat q\u00eb e prishin nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ekspert\u00ebt e marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnieve n\u00eb \u00e7ift kan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb dallimin midis nevojave, luksit dhe gj\u00ebrave q\u00eb e prishin nj\u00eb raport, kur b\u00ebhet fjal\u00eb p\u00ebr preferencat tona p\u00ebr t\u00eb zgjedhur partnerin. Nj\u00eb domosdoshm\u00ebri mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb standard minimal i pamjes fizike t\u00eb p\u00eblqyeshme apo i kimis\u00eb seksuale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb,luks mund t\u00eb cil\u00ebsohet nevoja apo kushti q\u00eb partneri t\u00eb jet\u00eb njeriu m\u00eb seksi q\u00eb keni takuar ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb. Nd\u00ebrkoh\u00eb nj\u00eb faktor q\u00eb e saboton raportin,mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb dikush me t\u00eb cilin keni zero kimi seksuale. Ne mund t\u00eb jemi shum\u00eb p\u00ebrzgjedh\u00ebs,n\u00eb rastin kur partneri yn\u00eb na ofron t\u00eb gjitha nevojat thelb\u00ebsore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Por ne mund t\u00eb mos e hapim goj\u00ebn n\u00eb rast se dashuria jon\u00eb na b\u00ebn t\u00eb \u201cverb\u00ebr\u201d ndaj faktor\u00ebve q\u00eb e shkat\u00ebrrojn\u00eb nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie. Dhe faktor\u00ebt e till\u00eb kryesor\u00eb jan\u00eb tradhtia, abuzimi me alkoolin apo drog\u00ebn, abuzimi fizik, emocional ose verbal dhe d\u00ebshtimi p\u00ebr t\u00eb kontribuar n\u00eb financat e familjes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n K\u00ebto jan\u00eb arsye q\u00eb p\u00ebrmenden me shpesh p\u00ebr divorcet ose p\u00ebr pak\u00ebnaq\u00ebsit\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie martesore. Gjithsesi, shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz jetojn\u00eb me partner\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb, pavar\u00ebsisht nga pak\u00ebnaq\u00ebsia e tyre mbi k\u00ebto sjellje.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ata mbeten t\u00eb verb\u00ebr ndaj k\u00ebtyre problemeve, i shohin por i minimizojn\u00eb ato, dhe mbeten me shpres\u00eb se sjellje t\u00eb tilla do t\u00eb ndryshojn\u00eb me kalimin e koh\u00ebs n\u00ebse ata vazhdojn\u00eb t\u00eb punojn\u00eb p\u00ebr to, dhe n\u00ebse b\u00ebjn\u00eb k\u00ebrc\u00ebnime t\u00eb vazhdueshme p\u00ebr t\u2019i dh\u00ebn\u00eb fund marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnies, duke shpresuar ta motivojn\u00eb partnerin e tyre p\u00ebr t\u00eb pabindur q\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshoj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn e sjelljes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kostoja e t\u00eb jetuarit duke toleruar k\u00ebta faktor\u00eb<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n T\u00eb jetuarit me partner\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb, dhe t\u00eb konsideruarit si normale sjelljen e tyre,mund t\u00eb ket\u00eb nj\u00eb kosto t\u00eb lart\u00eb emocionale. Ju nuk mund t\u00eb ndiheni mjaftuesh\u00ebm mir\u00eb me dik\u00eb q\u00eb ju tradhton, q\u00eb ju keqtrajton, q\u00eb nuk ju mb\u00ebshtet financiarisht, apo q\u00eb e do alkoolin dhe drog\u00ebn m\u00eb shum\u00eb se sa ju.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka aspak e mir\u00eb lidhur me respektin q\u00eb duhet t\u00eb keni ndaj vetes, n\u00eb rast se k\u00ebnaqeni me k\u00ebt\u00eb lloj trajtimi dit\u00eb pas dite, pa ndonj\u00eb fund n\u00eb horizont. Pastaj mund t\u00eb filloni t\u00eb vuani nga depresioni, sulmet e panikut dhe shp\u00ebrthimet e zem\u00ebrimit, q\u00eb duket sikur burojn\u00eb pa asnj\u00eb lloj arsye. E pse dikush duhet t\u2019i duroj\u00eb k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra, duke u p\u00ebrpjekur q\u00eb t\u2019i ndreq\u00ebapo normalizoj\u00eb ato? E megjithat\u00eb shum\u00eb njer\u00ebz e b\u00ebjn\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ne i durojm\u00eb k\u00ebto gj\u00ebra, dhe k\u00ebrkojm\u00eb justifikime p\u00ebr sjelljen e papranueshme t\u00eb partner\u00ebve tan\u00eb, vet\u00ebm sepse s\u2019mund ta durojm\u00eb dot mendimin e dh\u00ebnies fund t\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnies. Ne kemi vendosur zemr\u00ebn dhe shpirtin ton\u00eb n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie, dhe na thyhet zemra kur e pranojm\u00eb me trishtim se marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnia mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb nj\u00eb kauz\u00eb e humbur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Prandaj nis mohimi i realitetit dhe ne p\u00ebrpiqemi heroikisht q\u00eb ta shp\u00ebtojm\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnien, megjith\u00ebse mund t\u00eb jet\u00eb tashm\u00eb nj\u00eb betej\u00eb e humbur. Ironikisht, sapo partner\u00ebt tan\u00eb me t\u00eb meta shum\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdha,e kuptojn\u00eb se ne e kemi t\u00eb pamundur t\u00eb largohemi nga nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie toksike, dhe se k\u00ebrc\u00ebnimet tona p\u00ebr t\u2019u larguar jan\u00eb thjesht nj\u00eb bllof, ata kuptojn\u00eb se mund ta ruajn\u00eb p\u00ebrgjithmon\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb raport, pa pasur nevoj\u00eb t\u00eb ndryshojn\u00eb ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb sjelljen e tyre.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vet\u00ebm kur partner\u00ebt tan\u00eb shohin se jemi duke u larguar v\u00ebrtet\u00eb nga nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie toksike,dhe po b\u00ebhemi m\u00eb t\u00eb pavarur prej tyre, mund t\u00eb motivohen t\u00eb ndryshojn\u00eb, gjithnj\u00eb n\u00ebse kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Zgjidhni respektin p\u00ebr veten, n\u00eb vend t\u00eb frik\u00ebs nga humbja e partnerit<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Ne e \u00e7lirojm\u00eb veten nga nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet toksike sapo arrijm\u00eb ta kap\u00ebrcejm\u00eb frik\u00ebn nga humbja. Sapo zgjedhim respektin p\u00ebr veten ton\u00eb mbi raportin q\u00eb kemi me partner\u00ebt tan\u00eb me t\u00eb meta t\u00eb pariparueshme, ne b\u00ebhemi t\u00eb aft\u00eb q\u00eb t\u00eb largohemi nga nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie e keqe, pa e kthyer kok\u00ebn pas dhe pa keqardhje.<\/p>\n\n\n\n N\u00eb nj\u00eb nivel t\u00eb caktuar, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb leht\u00ebsim i madh t\u00eb \u00e7lirohesh p\u00ebrfundimisht nga nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie toksike. M\u00eb n\u00eb fund jemi t\u00eb lir\u00eb. Por kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb gjithashtu edhe shum\u00eb e trishtueshme. Pasi marrin fund t\u00eb gjitha \u00ebndrrat q\u00eb kishim p\u00ebr at\u00eb q\u00eb mund t\u00eb kishte qen\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnia jon\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ne duhet t\u00eb heqim dor\u00eb nga ndjenja e d\u00ebshtimit, se nuk mund ta b\u00ebnim funksionale nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie toksike. Ne duhet t\u00eb heqim dor\u00eb nga ndjenja se nuk meritonim t\u00eb trajtoheshim m\u00eb mir\u00eb se ajo q\u00eb pat\u00ebm. Ne duhet t\u00eb bindim veten se jemi m\u00eb mir\u00eb vet\u00ebm, dhe se meritojm\u00eb t\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb, dhe mund t\u00eb b\u00ebjm\u00eb m\u00eb mir\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00eb ardhmen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ne duhet t\u00eb besojm\u00eb se do t\u00eb zgjedhim m\u00eb me zgjuarsi n\u00eb t\u00eb ardhmen. T\u00eb gjitha k\u00ebto rregullime emocionale k\u00ebrkojn\u00eb koh\u00ebn e vet. Vajtimi mbi nj\u00eb marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie t\u00eb d\u00ebshtuar nuk mund t\u00eb p\u00ebrshpejtohet, por duhet t\u00eb p\u00ebrballet me dhimbje.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Por ai \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb test mbi q\u00ebndrueshm\u00ebrin\u00eb, i cili nuk zgjat p\u00ebrgjithmon\u00eb. Dhe kur m\u00eb n\u00eb fund p\u00ebrfundon ajo faz\u00eb, dhe ju dilni n\u00eb an\u00ebn tjet\u00ebr, jeni t\u00eb lir\u00eb ta jetoni jet\u00ebn tuaj me dinjitet dhe t\u00eb q\u00ebndroni me dik\u00eb q\u00eb ju trajton ashtu si\u00e7 meritoni t\u00eb trajtoheni.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sh\u00ebnim: Lawrence Josephs, profesor i psikologjis\u00eb n\u00eb Universitetin Adelfi, dhe psikoterapeutme banim n\u00eb Nju Jork.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Fakti q\u00eb dashuria \u00ebsht\u00eb e \u201cverb\u00ebr\u201d, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka e keqe n\u00eb vetvete. Dashuria bazohet shpesh tek idealizimi. N\u00eb fazat e hershme t\u00eb r\u00ebnies n\u00eb dashuri, ju e vendosni partnerin tuaj n\u00eb nj\u00eb piedestal, dhe imagjinoni se ai \u00ebsht\u00eb personi m\u00eb i p\u00ebrsosur n\u00eb bot\u00eb, t\u00eb pakt\u00ebn p\u00ebr ju. Edhe pas faz\u00ebs s\u00eb muajit t\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":33932,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-37345","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-lifestyle"},"yoast_head":"\n